The curious case of the driverless zamboni
Ok …. we admit. We used a click bait title. This has nothing to do with Covid-19. But it’s about one of the craziest things we have ever seen in beer league. If you haven’t seen the video of the out of control Zamboni on our social media channels you’re definitely missing out. For those that haven’t
Still the craziest thing we have seen in beer league pic.twitter.com/8qlBLFyc5w
— The Beer League Players Association (@TheBLPA) March 11, 2020
For those that have I know you’re probably wondering how the hell does something like this even happen? Shouldn’t Zambonis have drivers? Why didn’t any of the players do anything to stop this? Where the F is this? Well we took to facebook to find out and here is the story.
Bill Gullotti was scheduled to play right after this zamboni scraped the ice. He shared the story on the Beer League Talk facebook page.
“So apparently the gas pedal on this puppy has been sticking for a couple weeks now, and of course the boni driver figured this wasn’t gonna be the night of nights. So he takes this beast of burden down the center of the ice going full tilt and SLAMS it right into the boards behind the net. Well, it launches this guy ejector seat style into the glass, and he lands next to the bucking bronco in a depressing, defeated heap. At this point the demon boni goes back in to finish the job on this poor sap (who seemed about as drunk as your step dad before he takes off his belt after being fired from the factory) and misses him by INCHES. Woulda been a tragedy if he had tenderized his dude, but it didn’t, so it’s a comedy. So drunk uncle wobbles to his untied Timberlands and takes a few precarious steps towards the miracle on ice before he thinks the better of it, and shimmied to the door like a sad penguin that couldn’t find a mate. Meanwhile, the boni launches itself into the corner again and spins itself around. It does a 360 by the dot, then heads towards where the video picks up.
But wait! There’s more!
So after one of the players tamed the beast, the driver gets this bucking bronco under control enough to get it to the other zone before it dies. He hops off to grab another cold one while the refs decide we’re gonna play our first game on the other rink. Well I swear on everything I hold holy that as soon as the skaters got on the ice, it started cracking like a pond in April. The sheet was about as level as a glacier on Everest. I mean the entire thing was on a slant and you couldn’t glide within 5 feet of the boards without careening into them. So the ref calls it. No hockey tonight boys.
At this point, we head back to the locker room. The Beast is gone by now, but in the interim between it stalling and getting back up and running, part of the ice cleaner managed to freeze onto the ice… so that was still there.
And that’s it. I hope you enjoyed.”
Classic story of your local rink drunken zamboni driver…. “allegedly drunken”. But it’s not all a tale of woe. A lot of comments claim that this driverless zam looks to have done a better job than most of their zambonis with drivers do on a regular basis. But all in all we are glad no one was hurt but it sucks that a night of hockey was ruined. At least the boys had more time brew ha’s.
March 2, 2020
Categories: Adult Hockey, Beer League