Goldberg vs Julie the Cat – Which Mighty Ducks Hockey Club Goalie Is Better
This is a debate that’s been raging since the beginning of time. Ok well since 2 A.D. to be exact (That’s 2 years (A)fter the original mighty (D)ucks move was released). Since Goldberg was recently talked about the BLPA group, I thought it was time to be the final arbitrator in this argument. We are going to settle this debate once and for all right here, right now.
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Just so we all understand a little bit about Goldberg here, Goldberg was only a goalie because well… he was overweight. Usually the overweight kids get put into positions that people think are really sedentary. For example fat kids usually get put in the portions of goalie in hockey/soccer, catcher or 1st base in baseball, offensive line in football.
Outside of Goldberg only being a goalie due to him eating to much at his families restaurant, let’s not forget that Goldberg was afraid of the puck. How the F can you be a team’s goalie when you’d rather jump out of the way of a puck rather than try to eat it? He was obviously eating everything else.
It wasn’t until the sadisitic Coach Bombay strapped Goldberg to the pipes and let people fire pucks at him that he resembled any thing close to a goaltender.
So as the story goes the worst pee-wee scrubs in the Minneapolis pee wee league fired some wristers at Goldberg as he was sadistically tied to the pipes and he decided that being a goalie was easy. It’s crazy what a little confidence will do to you eh? Whatever, it worked. Goldberg the goalie led his team to winning the championship against the power house Hawks.
That’s when Goldberg’s problems began. Leading his team from the Oilers-esque (The OILER SUCK) bottom of the basement to the pinnacle of the Minnesota PeeWee ranks earned the Ducks the honor of being asked to represent America in the junior goodwill games in D2. Enter Julie ‘The Cat’ Gaffney.
Half of the Mighty Ducks fans will say the Goldberg was the clear #1 goalie for the club. The other half will argue that Julie Gaffney had all the tools to lead Team USA to gold and beyond, citing that Gordon Bombay just played favorites in the Jr. Goodwill Games. I should also add there’s a small contingent of fans who think the Ducks should have just used Knuckle Puck Russ as a 6th skater and not even bothered with these goalie weirdos.
The official ruling on this can be boiled down to one play
THE FUCKING GLOVE SAVE ….
COMING INTO THE GAME COLD….
AGAINST GUNNAR STAHL, THE BEST PLAYER IN THE GOODWILL GAMES …
ok the last part is debatable, what kind of plug comes in and tees it up for a clap-bomb from the top of the circle in a shoot out? Who does Gunnar Stahl think he is? Dion Phaneuf?
As far as our thoughts on Goldberg being considered the Ducks #1 tendy. If that glove save doesn’t tell you what you need to know may I also mention the complete lack of faith your coach has in you when he needs the game to be tied up? In the final minutes of the big game, instead of relying on his “starting goalies” Coach Bombay puts in Knuckle Puck Russ? Russ had never been a goalie before and most likely had never worn pads.
I dont think we need to get into social issues here but it’s pretty clear that in addition to Coach Bombay playing favorites by starting Goldberg he was also a sexist that didn’t think chicks belonged on the same ice as dudes.
To wrap this up, yes we are on the side of the debate that thought Julie ‘The GOAT’ Gaffney was the #1 goalie in the Ducks organization. 24 years later we are still certain that Julie “the Goat” would be a better pick between the beer league pipes. Here’s proof (yeah I know low blow…. and he’s turned his life around but you never saw any pics of Julie The Cat in this state)
Who would you take? What are your thoughts?
September 2, 2021
Categories: Beer League, Mighty Ducks